


benefaction

by ratherbeblue



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Comfort, First Time, Getting Together, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 06:28:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23346943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratherbeblue/pseuds/ratherbeblue
Summary: “Don’t uh, don’t worry about me, Caduceus. I know it looked bad but-”“It was bad.” He snaps. Fjord stills immediately, instincts automatically categorizing the words as a threat coming from his normally calm and collected friend.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 6
Kudos: 185





	benefaction

**Author's Note:**

> no second drafts we die like men  
> i just um...have so many thoughts about these two wow, fjord you deserve nice things like caduceus give them to you and also caduceus let yourself have nice things you don't always have to be giving them to others without asking for anything in return

Fjord looks down at the second bowl that Caduceus has set in front of him tonight, this one, like the last, is filled to the brim with a thick, warm stew of fish, caught that morning, and hearty green vegetables the origin of which he doesn’t ask. It’s smooth against his still raw throat and goes well with the spicy honeyed tea that he’s also been given to help. 

Caduceus has even served him another piece of his favorite sweet bread, something he’s mentioned in passing but he also assumed was far outside of Caduceus’ scope of cooking ability. Still, it crumbled underneath his tongue hot and buttery exactly how he remembered it from his childhood, and the rest he softened in the stew before swallowing.

He starts to protest, really he’s eaten much more and better than he’s used to already, but Caduceus stops him with a hum as he takes away the dirtied bowl.

“You need to keep up your strength.” He says, turning to the basin in the galley. They’re the only two left, Fjord because he’s taking longer than usual to eat and Caduceus because, he assumes, that’s where he spends most of his time anyway.

Fjord flushes a little at the comment.

“Don’t uh, don’t worry about me, Caduceus. I know it looked bad but-”

“It was bad.” He snaps. Fjord stills immediately, instincts automatically categorizing the words as a threat coming from his normally calm and collected friend.

“Umm…” Fjord isn’t sure what to say, he just stares at the back of Caduceus’ head from where he’s cleaning up the dishes from that night’s dinner. It’s an odd kind of tension he’s not used to feeling around Caduceus. 

“You didn’t see yourself, lying there, I almost wasn’t strong enough to-” He shakes his head, clearly trying to quell the uncharacteristic outburst of anger. “Jester should have done it, I almost lost you because I was... if I hadn’t been so selfish I-”

He shakes his head again, arms trembling from where Fjord can see them still plunged into the basin’s water. There’s no way he’s still washing anything under there. Fjord puts his spoon down.

“Cad… I’m… I’m here, aren’t I?”

“You’re doing it again.”  _ Acting like you’re not worthy of my concern.  _ He doesn’t say it out loud but the look on his face must tell Fjord some of it.

“I…” Fjord laughs a little, puts a hand to the back of his neck and feels the new flush on his skin. “Honestly I’ve been trying to be more like you, you know, go with the flow? And everything you keep doing for me, the gifts, the food, I’m trying to find a way to be grateful but, I can’t help but feel like I owe you something in return.”

Caduceus turns around, arms dripping still.

“You don’t owe me anything… If anything I owe you an apology.” He shakes his head sadly and Fjord can see, suddenly, the effect these past few months has had on Caduceus, not just in the constant greying of his hair, but in the way he holds himself, like the weight of the world is bearing down on his thin shoulders, dragging the skin under his eyes into bags. He wants more than anything to make it go away but he has a feeling he won’t let him. “My emotions clouded my judgment, I wanted so badly to be the one to break you free from this darkness I almost… just broke you.”

“But you didn’t, you saved me, twice. Here,” He moves over, leaving room for Caduceus to join him on the bench. “Share this with me.”

“Oh… Um, I can’t.” He dries his hands against his shirt though.

Fjord, understanding, holds out the bread which Caduceus takes with slow hands and a weary look in his eyes.

“Thank you, Fjord.” He takes a bite, chews slowly. “I don’t mean to burden you with this but I need you to understand why I’m doing this. You’re important… you know that, right?”

Fjord ducks his head. 

“Right, of course, I mean you, and the Wildmother of course, you’ve taught me that, every being is a part of the world, everything’s important, in nature.” Caduceus gives him a look like he’s failing the test so he tries to recover. “A-and I’m her charge now so… I’m important um, to her and uh, spreading her… doctrine?” 

Caduceus shakes his head, sets down the bread, reaches for Fjord’s hand instead, he still hasn’t picked the spoon back up.

“You don’t always have to go looking for meaning in my words, sometimes what I’m saying is simply what I mean. You’re important Fjord, not because of Her or what you’re doing, but just because of who you are. You’re important to all of us… Please believe me when I tell you that. ” He continues as Fjord moves his gaze from their entwined hands to his face. “I won’t lie...I do like broken things and I did think of you as broken when we met but… I don’t feel that way anymore. I mean, look at you, you’ve grown so much, I admire you so much.”

“I, uh, thank you, thank you, Caduceus. That means a lot, coming from you, I’m sure you know already but I admire you quite a bit as well, truly.”

Caduceus smiles a little wryly at him.

“Eat your stew before it gets cold.” He tells him not unkindly. 

Fjord listens, his mouth curling up into a half smile around his newly grown in tusks as he brings the spoon to his lips. Caduceus stays with him and even makes an effort to pick at the piece of bread before Fjord does what he wants him to and takes that to eat as well. The soft smile he gives him is worth the twinge of guilt he feels at taking it away.

When he’s done Caduceus takes his dishes away to drop in the basin, but before he goes he raises a hand up oddly, towards his face, before dropping it and turning away, Fjord follows him with his gaze.

“Thank you, for eating and for the talk.” He turns just his head back. “I’ll see you on the deck?”

“Right… I’ll uh, see you up there.” Fjord stands up, starts to turn, but then thinks of something else. “Hey, Caduceus?”

“Yes?” He tilts his head and his ear twitches in the direction of his voice, it’s kind of… cute, and Fjord finds his courage.

“What were you about to do just then?” He nods to the bench where they had been sitting.

“Oh…” Caduceus turns around and Fjord can see the faintest flush across his nose, so light he could have imagined it. He wipes his hands on a nearby towel. “You had something here.”

His eyes flicker to his lips and Fjord stops breathing while he brushes a large warm thumb across the corner of his mouth, catching slightly on his tusk. 

“Caduceus…” He breathes. “When you said you let your emotions cloud your judgement…”

“I’m sorry, Mr.Fjord.” And he looks sorry, sorry and mournful, like he’s been caught doing something terrible. But he hasn’t, not at all. “I tried to keep this to myself, I- I’m not used to feeling things of this nature but I- well, like I said, I really admire you.”

“Well then,” Fjord starts, grabbing Caduceus’ hand and putting it back where it was on his face, holding it steadily there. “It’s like I said, I admire you too.”

Caduceus’ eyes widen and his fingers twitch against his own, Fjord takes the moment to move their faces closer, he’s on his tip toes.

“Okay?” He asks.

“Yes.” Caduceus speaks against his lips, leaning down to press them together, finally.

He doesn’t move much, almost like he’s afraid to, but he’s warm and yielding and the feeling is new, so new and so good that Fjord doesn’t mind. He just brings up his other hand to pull Caduceus in closer, moves his lips against his in a way he hopes is encouraging. 

Caduceus follows his lead and puts his free hand on the small of his back, and even with his newly given mass his hand feels so big against him. So big and warm and comforting that Fjord can’t help the whimper that escapes his mouth.

Caduceus breaks the kiss with a confused hum. 

“Alright?”

“It’s alright, better than, actually, really good. Keep going?”

“Hmm.” Caduceus makes a contented noise and moves his other hand to wrap around Fjord’s torso as well. They’re so big he could probably encircle him with just his hands, he starts to back him up to the kitchen area of the galley.

Despite the jokes about his size he’s never been… pushed around like this. It’s nice, really nice especially when Caduceus pulls him up so he’s sitting on the counter like he weighs nothing at all. His legs instinctually bracket Caduceus' hips and he gasps at the sensation of their contact even with two layers of clothing between them. Caduceus is warm and solid, his strength that of a tall aspen tree.

Caduceus adjusts his grip so that they are more firmly entwined, Fjord’s arms draped over his shoulders, fingers twisting into hair, ankles locked around his lower back, and Caduceus holding him close and safe as they continue to melt together.

It gets hot and heavy fast and Caduceus eventually breaks apart, looking sheepish and flushed. 

“I really should be letting you rest…”

Fjord shakes his head quickly, catching his breath.

“No, no honestly I’m good, you did a really good job, my throat’s more sore than anything so we’ll just have to hold off on _ that _ for now.” Fjord smirks and Caduceus, who only understands the implication by virtue of being around the group of them for nearly a year, blushes wildly, like Fjord’s never seen before. It makes him smile more.

“I don’t know about that but… Should we at least get out of the kitchen?”

“Captain’s quarters.” Fjord agrees. Caduceus allows him room to hop off the counter and lead the way by taking his hand.

Once they reach the doorway Caduceus leans down and kisses him sweetly.

“Caleb once said that you all are my destiny, I don’t think he knew how true that was.”

“I-” Fjord chokes on his words, unable to know what to say or do with that.

“It’s alright, I know.” Fjord isn’t sure what he knows, but he’s sure Caduceus is right either way.

The bed is large and soft, a monument to the previous owners love of creature comforts which Fjord knows Caduceus to be ambivalent about, still they lie down together.

Fjord knows Caduceus has no experience but he doesn’t seem to need any guiding, he moves slowly, taking everything in in a way that would seem teasing if Fjord didn’t know him better. Every touch and movement is made somehow better by the careful attention with no clear goal in sight being paid to his body. Caduceus moves in a way that must be instinctual to him, it feels like he’s being taken care of, very loving in the same way the Wildmother feels when she comes to him in his dreams at night.

He melts into the feeling, trying to return the favor which makes Caduceus respond immediately. 

“Fuck…” He breathes.

“Hnn…” Fjord can’t help the whine that escapes him. “I know you started cursing a while ago but holy shit everytime I hear that in your voice I…” 

Caduceus pulls him into another kiss, deep and wet and warm. He’s a fast learner.

They don’t have time to talk much, Caduceus keeps his mouth otherwise occupied as much as possible, but eventually they fall over the edge together, both crying out, each other’s names, words of encouragement, babbling nonsense, everything until they’re breathing heavily and lying tangled together.

A warm sea-sweet breeze rolls over them seemingly from nowhere and Fjord scrunches up his eyebrows.

“It’s her blessing.” Caduceus says, knowing the question without Fjord having to ask.

Fjord clears his throat.

“Oh, does she um… normally bless these kinds of things?”

Caduceus just smiles, the usual smile he has that makes it clear there’s something he knows that you don’t, but he also pulls Fjord’s body over so they’re curled together, back to chest, as close to knees to knees as they can get with the height difference. And in the wake of two warm embraces Fjord can’t help but be content with the lack of answers, instead of thinking he lets himself fall into a deep, easy slumber.


End file.
